Guilt
by ChristyK
Summary: After an argument Van and Deaq are left to deal with feelings of guilt when an assignment goes wrong


Thanks to the people who took the time to review my last story. I really appreciate it. Sorry all my stories are all so similar but I can't help it, I love to torture poor Van. But as long as a few people enjoy reading them I'll keep writing them.

**Guilt**

Van saw her as soon as he entered the bar, Deaq's girlfriend. Well actually Deaq had only been seeing her off and on for about a month, so in reality she wasn't his girlfriend, just a girl he was dating at the moment. He knew she and Deaq had a fight earlier in the week, just like he and Deaq had today. Nothing bad, just arguing about something he couldn't even remember. He walked over to her and sat down next to her.

"Hey." He said softly smiling.

"Van! What are you doing here?" Janet smiled back as she turned towards him surprised to see him there.

"Rough day, just needed to unwind a little."

"Yeah, me too." She turned back to the bar.

"Hey, I know about the fight you guys had………You know Deaq's a good guy you should give him another chance."

"Did **he** send you here?"

"No." Van gave a little laugh. " Ole Deaq and I weren't exactly seeing eye to eye today." Van ordered a beer and bought Janet a drink.

They spent the next few hours drinking and talking.

"Well, I'm going to call it a night." Janet said as she stood up. She leaned over and kissed Van's cheek and started heading for the door.

"You really shouldn't drive, let me call you a cab."

"No, it's okay I'm going to walk. It's a nice night."

Van got up and immediately knew he had too much to drink when he felt himself sway a little. He knew it wouldn't be safe for him to drive her home but he couldn't let her walk home unescorted.

"You shouldn't walk by yourself at night, I'll walk you home."

**Forty five minutes later at Janet's house**

"Why don't you stop in for a minute."

"No, I better get going." Van turned to leave.

"Come on Van, I'll make you some coffee." She smiled at him. "I don't bite you know."

"Well……… okay, maybe just one cup."

Once inside the house instead of coffee Janet went to the refrigerator and handed Van a beer. They started talking again and then after a few more beers Janet put her arms around him and kissed him.

"Whoa!" Van put up his hands and tried to pull away. "I can't do this, Deaq's a friend."

"Deaq and I are probably through. I really need someone tonight." She continued kissing him and rubbing up against him.

"I really need to go." Van wanted to leave but instead started to respond to her kisses. "Janet, I really got to…….."

She grabbed his hand and led him to the bedroom.

**The next morning**

Van got out of bed and pulled on his pants. He looked over at Janet and ran his hand through his hair. _Damn! _He thought to himself as overwhelming guilt shot through him. He never should have stayed. Janet woke up and smiled up at him.

"Going so soon?"

Van shook his head sadly.

"I never should have left this happen."

He walked to the front door buttoning his shirt and reached for the knob just as the door opened and Deaq walked in.

"**What the hell are you doing here?!"** Deaq said glaring at his partner.

"Deaq, I…………" Van didn't know what to say.

"**Get the hell out of here!"** Deaq pushed Van out the door.

"Deaq, I'm sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen. It just………"

"**Get out of here!"** Deaq angrily shouted as he pushed Van again.

This time Van lost his balance and fell off the porch landing awkwardly on his left leg. He gave a short yelp of pain as he felt something snap and a sharp pain shoot up his leg.

Deaq felt a twinge of guilt as he watched Van stand up and hobble to the sidewalk. He could see the pained look on his partner's face and knew it wasn't all from the injured leg, but his attention turned to Janet who had come up behind him.

"**What did you do?!"** Janet said as she watched Van limp to his car and get in.

"No, what did you do?" Deaq sent the question back to her.

"Deaq, I can have any one over I want to."

"Including my friend?"

"Yes, including your friend. You don't own me. Hell, we've only gone out a few times."

Deaq glanced back as Van pulled away. He could tell he was having trouble pushing the clutch in with his injured leg by the way the car bucked down the street as he shifted.

"Great." Deaq said to himself. He knew tonight they were going to the warehouse to bust a major L.A. drug dealer. They had been working on the case for over three months and finally had lined up a big buy. He and Van were suppose to walk in with the money, make the buy, and as soon as they got to the door Billie was going to come in with the backup unit. Janet put her hand on Deaq's arm and brought him back to the present.

"You know, he didn't want to stay." She said trying to defend Van.

"But he did."

"Yeah, he did. We both had been drinking and he walked me home. He was going to leave and I asked him in for coffee. He didn't want to but I insisted. But instead of coffee I gave him more to drink. I wanted him, and he was too weak to refuse me. I'm sorry Deaq but I tried to tell you before. I'm not looking for a serious relationship with anyone. Van was handy and I took full advantage of him."

**Later that night at the Candy Store**

Deaq and Billie were already sitting in the Candy Store waiting for Van. When he came in Billie immediately jumped on him.

"You should have been here ten minutes ago!"

"I know, I got held up in traffic." Van said as he tried to hide the limp from Billie but she noticed it immediately.

"What happened to you?"

"I twisted my leg getting out of the shower." Van said avoiding Deaq's eyes. Deaq just shook his head and looked away.

"Okay, what's going on between you two?" Billie could sense something wasn't right.

"Nothing." Van and Deaq said simultaneously.

"Well there better not be anything. I don't want either of you two to have your mind on anything else except the transaction."

"Everything's good Billie." Deaq said.

"It better be." Billie handed Van the money. Van was playing the part of a man interested in a large quantity of drugs to sell back east. Deaq was his bodyguard. "I want this to go off smooth. You guys are going in there unarmed as Blake insisted so I want you in and out of there as soon as possible. Let's see if we can get through this without any gun play."

"We'll do our best Billie." Van said as he attached a hidden microphone to the back of his belt buckle.

"Okay then, let's get this show on the road." Billie said as they headed for the door.

**On the way to the warehouse**

Deaq and Van rode mostly in silence on the way to the bust. Van finally spoke.

"Look Deaq, I said I was sorry, it never should have happened."

Deaq didn't answer him but looked straight ahead.

"I don't know what else to say……." Van continued. "I had too much to drink and…….and well it just happened."

Deaq knew how fast Van fell for women, especially someone that was throwing herself at him. He also knew Van could never say no. But Deaq was mad, Van was right it never should have happened, but it did.

"She was my girl." Deaq said still looking straight ahead.

"She wasn't **your** girl. She was a girl you dated. You never left me under the impression that there was anything serious between you two."

"That's not the point. The point is I was going out with her, not you. You had no right jumping on her as soon as my back was turned."

"It wasn't like that. I went to a bar and she was there. I only walked her home because it was dark and I didn't think she should be out by herself. Then………well then things just happened."

"You're my partner, I should be able to trust you. Maybe we should rethink this whole partnership thing. I don't want a partner I can't trust. When this is over I'm talking to Billie."

Deaq's word stung Van. A horrible guilty feeling gnawed at his stomach. He had betrayed his partner and there was nothing he could do to make it right.

He swallowed hard and looked straight ahead. The rest of the drive was done in complete silence. Once they arrived at the warehouse where the exchange was to take place, Van took the money out of the trunk and they headed into the warehouse. Deaq could see Van wince in pain every time he took a step on his injured leg. He suddenly felt bad for the way he had treated him. He was his partner, and a good friend. Janet had told him how she had seduced Van and how he had tried to refuse her. He winced in sympathy as he watched Van try to hide the pain on his face. When this case was in the bag, he'd tell his partner he was sorry. Janet and he had just dated and there was nothing special between them. They all knew that.

Jack Blake and four of his men stood in the middle of the warehouse as Van and Deaq walked over. They put their hands in the air as they were both frisked for weapons. When the men were satisfied that they weren't armed the exchange took place.

"What happened to you?" Blake asked noticing Van's limp.

"Slipped in the shower. I must have torn something."

"Looks painful."

"Yeah, it is." Van gave a little laugh.

Blake opened up the briefcase of money then nodded at Van and Deaq. The transaction was complete and they headed toward the door with Blake's case full of drugs. They were almost there when one of Blake's men who was acting as a look out spotted one of the back up units.

"**It's a setup!" **Theman shouted.

Deaq made it to the door and dived through it. Van leg gave out before he could reach the door and he was forced to dive behind some crates. Then suddenly the warehouse was bathed in darkness as one of the men in the warehouse pulled the circuit breaker.

**Outside**

Billie and the back units immediately surrounded the building and tried to talk the dealers out of the building but all they were rewarded with was gunfire. Deaq spotted Billie and staying low ran to her position.

"**Van didn't make it out! He's still in there!" **

"Is he hurt?"

"I………I don't think so……..I don't know. I saw him grab his leg and go down before the gun fire. He rolled behind some crates." Deaq swallowed the lump in his throat at the thought that his partner hadn't made it out because of him. It was his fault Van's leg was injured. Billie picked up her radio as she handed Deaq a gun.

"All units. We have an undercover officer trapped in the building. Use extreme caution. The officer is not armed."

**Inside the warehouse**

Van winced as a sharp pain shot through his leg. _Damn! _ He knew he must have either tore ligaments or tendons when he had fallen off Janet's porch. He didn't realize it could hurt so much. Now he was in big trouble. He had no weapons and was trapped in a building with at least six other men who wouldn't hesitate to kill him. His only hope was that they didn't know he was there. He was grateful it was dark, at least the odds were in his favor. But that soon changed when one of Blake's men pulled out a flashlight and began sweeping the warehouse with it. As quietly as he could Van tried to push himself back further into the crates. The flashlight passed over his hiding area and stopped. He shut his eyes……….they had found him.

"**Come out of there!"** One of the men yelled.

When Van didn't move they fired at him. He felt a bullet strike his side nicking a rib. He cried out as pain shot through his side.

**Outside**

After hearing the gunshots Deaq stood up but was quickly pulled down by Billie.

"**Stay down!"** Billie ordered.

"**Billie they could be killing him!"** Deaq screamed as he kept his eye on the warehouse.

"And getting yourself killed is going to help him how?"

Deaq knew Billie was right. Rushing into the warehouse blindly wouldn't help his partner. He kept his gun trained on the entrance to the building wishing he knew what was going on inside.

**Inside the warehouse**

Two of Blake's men pulled Van out from behind the crates. The side of his shirt was already covered in blood.

"Well, well,well, if it isn't Mr. Strummer or should I say Officer Strummer or whatever the hell your name is." Blake said as he glared into Van's eyes.

"You don't stand a chance Blake. The place is surrounded." Van said staring back. He kept his hand pressed over his wound. The pain hadn't fully registered yet but he knew sooner or later it would.

"Well, I don't think they're going to come busting in here knowing we have one of their own."

"I'm expendable. Holding me isn't going to stop them."

"But I wonder how they're going to like watching you die a little bit at a time. Which is what is going to happen unless they back off and let us out of here."

"They're not going to back off. If you kill me all you're going to do is add murder to the charges against you."

"We'll see about that. When your fellow officers hear you screaming and know that they are the cause of your pain, let's see how tough they are."

**Outside**

Van's hidden microphone was picking up all that was said and Billie and Deaq could hear everything.

"Billie, we got to do something."

"Deaq, you know we can't let them walk."

"So what are we suppose to do, sit here and watch them torture Van till they kill him?"

"I pray it doesn't come to that."

"But what if it does?"

"Van was right Deaq, he's expendable, we all are. We all knew that when we took this job."

"I can't believe you said that Billie. I thought you cared about Van. I can't believe you're going to sit here and do nothing while they kill him."

Billie spun around and looked into his face.

"**Damn it Deaq! **I do care about Van, you too. But we can't give into terrorists, we do, and they'll have the upper hand."

Deaq shut his eyes and took a deep breath. His partner might die today because of him.

**Inside the warehouse**

Blake pointed his gun at Van's head.

"Let's get you outside and let them get a good look at you."

He walked behind Van and put the gun under his chin.

"You try anything and I'll blow your brains out."

He then grabbed Van by the hair on the back of his head and keeping the gun under his chin led him outside.

As they walked out of the warehouse the backup units all trained their guns on them as Billie's radio cracked.

"Lieutenant I have a clean shot. I can take him out." One of the backup units stated.

"**No!** If you take him out the men in the warehouse have a clear shot of my officer. No one is to fire his weapon unless he is concerned for his life or for another officer's life is that clear?"

"Yes ma'am."

Blake looked around trying to roughly determine how many men were outside. He counted eight and knew there were more probably that he couldn't see.

"As you can see I have one of your men." He shouted. "If anyone of you is thinking of shooting me my men will kill him immediately. If you want this man to live you will see that I and my men have safe passage to the airport, if not, you will watch him die slowly in front of you."

Deaq watched as Van's eyes also scanned the area. When he spotted Deaq Van gave a small smile and a slight nod, thankful that Deaq had made it out. Deaq swallowed hard. It was as if Van was saying they were even now. He had betrayed Deaq and now he would pay for it.

Blake then drug Van back into the warehouse and tossed him over to his men.

"Tie his hands behind his back tight, then work him over. I want them to see blood."

Van's hands were roughly pulled behind his back and tied. He clenched his teeth as the ropes were pulled tight. Then the beating began. He had no way to defend himself and could only cover up the best he could as he took blow after blow.

**Outside**

Deaq watched as Billie turned her head away from the radio as she listened to the beating. He knew she felt as bad as he did but couldn't show it. She wouldn't want to show any sign of weakness to her men at the scene or the men in the warehouse. He shut his eyes as he listened to Van's grunts of pain each time he was hit.

**In the warehouse **

Blake finally stopped the beating when he was satisfied that Van's bruises would show.

"Hey, I don't want him dead. We might need him for awhile."

He reached down and pulled Van up by the arm. Then he picked up a long rope that was lying on the floor.

"Now let's give the boys in blue a little hint of what you're in for." He pulled Van toward the door.

**Outside **

Once outside he stood next to Van.

"Kneel." He commanded.

Van continued standing trying not to put too much pressure on his injured leg.

"**I said kneel!" **Blake said as he kicked Van in the back of the knee forcing him down.

Van grimaced in pain as he was forced to kneel on shards of glass that were scattered around the front of the warehouse from the broken windows due to the earlier gun fire. Blood seeped through the knees of his pants as he shut his eyes and tried not to show the pain he was in. Blake reached over and pulled Van's head back by his hair showing his bloody, bruised face.

"This is only the beginning of what your boy is in for." He released Van's hair and his head fell forward. "We want a limo that will hold at least twelve people fully gassed." He said as he wrapped the end of the rope around Van's neck and pulled it tight causing Van's mouth to fall open as he gasped for air. He then released the tension on the rope but took the remaining rope back into the warehouse with him leaving the rope still around Van's neck. Now if he needed to he could drag Van back into the warehouse by his neck.

After Blake reentered the warehouse the officers outside began to shuffle around uncomfortably, each one of them trying to think of someway to help their fellow officer without getting him or any other officer killed. There was nothing they could do. Van was a sitting duck. Any attempt at rescue would surely get him killed.

Deaq and Billie couldn't take their eyes off of Van. He looked terrible. With the rope around his neck he was forced to raise his head in order to breathe better. Both of them sucked in a breath of air when they got a good look at his battered face. His entire face was covered in bruises and blood ran down the side of his face from a deep gash above his right eye. Blood also poured from his nose and a small trickle ran down his chin from his mouth.

"God Billie." Deaq said softly as he shook his head sadly. "This is all my fault."

"Why? What are you talking about?" Billie asked confused.

"I'm the one that hurt Van's leg last night. That's the reason he didn't make it out of the warehouse. If he had two good legs he would have been right beside me."

"How……….What ………?" Billie knew the two men often argued but never knew it to come to blows.

Deaq shook his head.

"I started arguing with him about something stupid and he was trying to explain himself and I pushed him off a porch…………God Billie look at him. They're going to kill him."

Billie could see the anguish on Deaq's face. She had no idea what had gone on between the two of them but she knew if Van didn't make it out of this Deaq would never forgive himself.

Van sat silently for a few minutes trying to catch his breath. He knew he still had the microphone on but wasn't sure if it was still working.

"Can you hear me?" He said quietly looking in Billie's direction. When he saw her give a small nod he continued. "I counted seven of them. I don't think there's more. Two are watching the back door and the other five the front. If you get a chance go for it. Don't worry about me. If they get out of here they'll probably take me with them so I'm a dead man either way……….And Deaq………..I'm sorry partner…………I'm sorry for what happened. Try not to hold it against me."

Hearing Van Deaq's eyes filled with tears. He wanted to go out to him and tell him he was sorry but knew he couldn't.

"Damn it I'm going to get you out of this Van. Don't you go giving me no goodbye speech." Deaq said even though he knew Van couldn't hear him. He knew in his heart he cared a lot more about Van then about Janet. Van was his partner, his friend. Janet was just a girl he had gone out with and probably would have broken up with sooner or later anyway. She really wasn't his type and Van and he both had known it would only be a few dates and wasn't going to go anywhere.

After about an hour Blake came back out and stood next to Van. He reached behind Van grabbing his bound arms and pulled them upward forcing Van to lean forward.

"Where's my limo?" He yelled out to the police.

Billie stood up from behind her car.

"We don't negotiate with terrorists."

"We're not terrorists, we're simply businessmen. All we're asking is to be allowed to leave, then we will return this man to you."

"We don't make bargains."

"Then your man will suffer because of you." Blake pulled harder on Van's arms forcing him to fall forward onto his face.

Van cried out, he felt like his arms were being pulled out of their sockets. He squeezed his eyes shut and clenched his teeth as pieces of glass on the ground cut into his face.

Deaq couldn't stand watching his partner being abused any longer. He jumped up from behind Billie's car.

"**Leave him alone you son of a bitch!"**

"Or what?"

Deaq started climbing out from behind the car determined to go to Van.

"**I'll show you 'or what' you bastard!"**

Billie quickly grabbed his arm and held him back.

"**Damn it let me go Billie!"** Deaq tried to pull away

"Damn it Deaq what are you going to do? You go over there and they'll have two hostages. How is that suppose to help Van?"

Deaq stopped struggling but continued glaring at his partner's tormentor.

"**When this is over it's you and me pal!"** Deaq said through clenched teeth.

"Oh you think so huh. Well I'll tell you what, his next beatings on you buddy."

With that said Blake grabbed the rope and began pulling Van back into the warehouse. Van choked as the rope tightened around his neck and he had no choice but to follow Blake back into the warehouse.

Deaq stared angrily at the small pools of blood that were left on the ground where Van's knees had been. He turned around and slammed his fist down on the car.

"Deaq, you got to hold it together. If you can't I'll have to ask you to leave." Billie stated.

"**There's no way I'm leaving! Not without my partner!"**

"I know how you feel Deaq but……….."

"**You don't know how I feel!** That's my partner being tortured in there…….and it's all because of me."

"Look Deaq, I don't know what happened between you two but I'm sure you didn't intentionally hurt Van. I know you well enough to know you would never do that."

"It doesn't matter if I intentionally did it or not. The fact is Van didn't make it out of that building because of something I did and now he might die tonight and I don't know what to do to help him." Deaq's voice cracked and he turned his head. He angrily wiped at the tears that were forming in his eyes.

Billie's heart broke for Deaq. She knew he was going through hell and even if she ordered him to leave he wouldn't. She wanted desperately to help Van, to get him out of this but knew she couldn't give into Blake and his men. She knew if she left them leave with him he was as good as dead. She was just about to reach out to Deaq when the sound of Van being beaten came over the radio.

**Inside the warehouse**

Van was held between two of Blake's men while Blake himself delivered blow after blow to his stomach area. Van gasped in pain as the air was knocked out of him and he struggled to catch his breath. His legs finally gave out and as he was just about ready to collapse Blake delivered a vicious kick to his bad leg. He cried out and fell to the ground. Blake nodded to his men and they reached down and pulled Van up. He was barely conscious as they pulled him out of the doorway. It hurt too much to put any weight on his injured leg and he drug it behind him as he hopped on his good leg between the two men. When they released him he crumbled semi conscious to the ground. The men quickly reentered the warehouse while Blake stood over Van.

"Your boy isn't looking too good." He looked over toward Deaq and Billie. "Now where is my car?"

When they didn't answer him he pulled on the end of the rope and it tightened around Van's neck. His legs moved slightly and he gave a little gasp as his air supply was cut off. Then all movement stopped as his body went limp.

"**You're killing him!"** Deaq once more stood up and this time he managed to get in front of the car before Billie could grab him. He trained his gun on Blake. **"Get the fuck** **away from him!"**

"**Deaq!"** Billie screamed trying to get through to him but he ignored her, his mind totally tuned to helping his partner.

Blake smiled.

"You shoot me and your friend dies." He said calmly. He was enjoying this.

Deaq momentarily took his eyes off Blake and looked toward the doorway. He could see a man standing in the darkness his gun trained on Van. Another man stood on the other side of the door his gun trained on Deaq. He looked down at Van who had passed out from the lack of oxygen. He had to back off or Van was dead.

"Release the rope, you're going to kill him. And if you do there won't be any force on earth that will stop me from getting to you."

Blake knew Deaq was right. If he kept the tension on the rope any longer he'd kill Van and then he wouldn't have anything to bargain with. He eased up on the tension, then when Van still didn't move he kicked at him. Van moved his leg a little in response to the kick.

"He's still with us." Blake said smiling at Deaq. "If I don't get my car soon, maybe I'll start cutting off body parts. How'd you like that?" Blake left Van lying on the ground and walked back into the warehouse.

"Deaq get back here now!" Billie said as she stood up. She was worried that if Deaq made any attempt to free Van they both might be killed.

Deaq stood staring at his helpless partner. He looked more dead then alive. Deaq didn't move, he couldn't move. He was frozen to the spot. He needed Van to know that he was there, that watching what they were doing to him was killing him inside.

Billie finally came from around the car and gently pulled Deaq back behind it.

"You could have gotten yourself killed pulling a stunt like that." Billie admonished him.

"Billie, Van can't take anymore. We got to do something. They're going to kill him if they drag him back in there."

Billie looked over at Van who was now moving slightly. Tears filled her eyes. She knew Deaq was right, Van couldn't take anymore beatings. She had only one hope and that was to give them the car and try to take them out on the way to the airport or once they got there. She knew giving into them was not what she was trained to do, but to hell with training. Van was going to die if they didn't do something. She knew the odds of him living after they got to the airport was null but she couldn't just sit there and not do anything.

Everything was spinning as Van attempted to get up. He kept falling back cutting himself more and more on the glass on the ground. Finally he managed to get to his knees but couldn't straighten up. He knelt there hunched over trying to breathe without pain. It was impossible. Damn did he hurt. He knew he was busted up inside and more then likely would die if this didn't end soon. He glanced over to where Billie and Deaq hid. Well at least Deaq now would get the new partner he wanted. Maybe he'd get one he could trust he thought as he remembered his betrayal of his partner's trust. Damn he hated to die knowing he had hurt his partner and that he know longer trusted him. He wondered if his microphone was still working.

"Deaq…………. I don't know if you can hear me but……….. I'm sorry………..I didn't mean for……..for it to happen…….I'm sorry……. I just want you to know that." Van managed to gasp out. He shut his eyes and clenched his teeth as another wave of pain shot through him.

Deaq listened with tears in his eyes.

"No I'm sorry partner, you did nothing wrong." Deaq said out loud to himself, then he looked at Billie. "Billie, we got to do something."

"Okay Deaq, we're going to give them their car."

With the decision made, Billie radioed for a limo. All it would do was bide them a little time.

A half hour later Blake came out of the warehouse.

"Looks like we're going to have to start cutting your boy apart. What would you like first, a finger, a hand?" He looked back to the warehouse ready to signal two of his men to come out and drag Van back inside when Billie stood up.

"You're getting your car."

"It's about time."

"When you arrive at the airport we want you to release the officer."

"We'll see about that. We might just need to take him with us for a little insurance."

Deaq stood up next to Billie.

"Release him now and I'll go with you."

"Deaq, no." Billie said out of the side of her mouth. She knew Van might die tonight and there was no way in hell she was going to let Deaq take the chance of dying also.

"Hmmmmm." Blake pretended to be thinking it over. "No, I don't think so. This one here will do just fine. We've already softened him up a little. When's the car getting here?" He said looking over at Billie.

"Any minute."

"Good, and no funny stuff because all of my men are going to have their weapons trained on him and if anything goes wrong, he's dead."

"How do we know you won't kill him anyway?" Billie asked.

"You don't, that's a chance you'll have to take." Blake smiled at Billie. "I'll tell you what. He's gets on the plane with us and then when we get to our destination I'll leave him on the plane and you can come get him. How's that sound?"

Billie knew he was probably lying but couldn't let on.

"Whatever, as long as no more harm comes to him."

"Oh, I'll take care of him, I'll take real good care of him. We've grown fond of each other." Blake reached down and pulled Van's head back. "Isn't that true Mr. Strummer?" He said looking down at him. Van tried to pull away but he was too weak.

Blake released him and went back into the warehouse to round up his men and get them ready to leave.

When the limo arrived Blake went out first and pulled Van to his feet. Keeping his gun at Van's chin he walked over to the limo and opened the doors. One of his men came out and climbed in the front seat then turned around and kept his gun on Van as he was shoved in the car and the door slammed shut. Van knew he needed to stay by the door. If he was forced to move over there would be no hope at escape. With his hands still tied behind his back he felt around till he found the door handle and held onto it. He then slumped slightly toward the center of the car attempting to take some of the pressure off of his injured ribs, and hoping they wouldn't force him to move to the center of the seat. Blake and the rest of his men jumped in the car and they soon were on the way to the airport. Van knew there was no way the cops were going to let these guys get away, he knew they would be following them. And he knew if there was a shoot out a lot of them wouldn't shoot back knowing a fellow cop was in the car. He knew he had to do something, he didn't want any officer getting killed because of him and he was tired of being used as a shield. As the car sped around a curve, he lashed out and kicked the man beside him in the leg as hard as he could then as the man was bent over he grabbed the door handle, opened the door, and putting his feet against the man pushed himself out. He hit the ground hard and felt his hip crack as it hit the ground. He rolled over and over then finally stopped his head hitting the ground hard knocking him out.

"**Watch out!" **Deaq screamed as he watched Van's body fly out of the car. Billie swerved around Van and skidded to a stop. Deaq jumped out and ran over to his partner. At first he thought Van was dead but he finally detected a shallow heart beat.

"**How is he?!"** Billie shouted over to him.

"**He's hurt bad Billie! Get an ambulance out here fast, then go after those bastards!"**

Billie hated to leave but knew there was nothing she could do for Van but catch the people who did this to him. She called for an ambulance and said a prayer as she sped after the men.

Deaq didn't even try to stop the tears from falling. He could hardly even recognize his partner through all the blood and bruises. He wanted desperately to untie Van's hands but knew he shouldn't attempt to move him. He just wanted his partner to wake up so he could tell him he was sorry. He didn't know if he could live with himself if Van died not knowing how truly sorry he was. Deaq watched in horror as a pool of blood began forming under Van's body.

"Oh God no!"

As gently as he could Deaq began to search Van's body to see if he could determine where the blood was coming from. Finally he found the source of the bleeding. Van had a deep cut on his upper thigh. Trying not to move Van as much as possible Deaq reached under him and tried the best he could to keep pressure on the wound. It seemed to help. Deaq leaned down and spoke to Van.

"Hey partner you got to hang tough. You got to hold on." Deaq choked back a sob as he looked at Van's swollen, bound hands. He hadn't even been able to protect himself from hitting the hard asphalt with his hands. "You hang in there Van……….I can't lose you."

Van moaned a little and his eye lids fluttered then slowly opened. Deaq looked at him hopefully.

"**That's it! That's it buddy! Come on! Come on partner!"**

Van stared straight ahead with unfocused eyes. Dean leaned down so his face was right in front of Van.

"Come on buddy look at me. Come on focus on me partner. Let me know you're still in there."

Van's mouth fell open slightly and a small trickle of blood ran out of it. Deaq shut his eyes and took a deep breath fighting to stay calm. He knew Van must be busted up inside and right now could be bleeding to death in front of him. He looked down the road hoping to see an ambulance coming. It wasn't. Tears ran down Deaq's face. His partner looked like a wounded animal laying in the street dying, not his partner who was constantly moving, too wired to stand still long.

"Help's coming Van, you got to stay with me."

Van's eyes moved a little toward Deaq's voice but remained unfocused. Finally they rolled back in his had and he lost his fight to regain consciouness.

"**You stay with me Van! Don't you leave me! Don't you do this to me!"** He put two fingers on the side of Van's neck and could detect a weak, sporadic pulse. At least Van was still alive, but for how long he had no idea.

"**Where the hell is that ambulance??!!"** He screamed into the air. He had heard over and over about the golden hour and knew you had to get a person to a hospital within an hour of being traumatically injured or he would probably die. He couldn't think about that, Van was going to live. He'd will him to live. He wanted so much to gather Van up in his arms and tell him he was sorry. He didn't mean it when he said he wanted to rethink their partnership. Van was his partner, and he wanted him to remain his partner. He was overwhelmed by guilt. Van might die and it was all his fault. He replayed the scene of him pushing Van off the porch over and over in his mind. He could even hear Van apologizing and him being too pigheaded to accept it. He gently put his hand on the side of Van's head and gently stroke his blood soaked hair.

"I'm sorry Van. I'm so sorry………It's my fault………all my fault."

In the distance he could hear sirens getting closer. He bowed his head.

"Thank God, oh thank God." He whispered.

He stood off to the side and watched as the paramedics worked on Van. It took them about an hour to cut off his ropes and slowly stabilize him enough to get him into the ambulance and rush him to the hospital. Deaq sat by his side soothingly telling him over and over to hang in there and to be strong.

**Hospital**

Once at the hospital Deaq fell into a chair at the waiting room and put his head in his hands. He was exhausted both mentally and physically. Now all he could do was wait, which was taking a further toll on him. He watched as an hour later Van was rushed into the operating room, the doctors yelling back and forth as they wheeled him down the hall. Tears filled his eyes as he thought back to another time when he had thought he was going to lose Van. The time Van was poisoned and he asked him to stay with him, he didn't want to be alone. He wanted to be with him now shouting encouragement but he felt Van wouldn't want him there now. He had done this to Van. He would have made it out of the warehouse if it wasn't for him. He wouldn't be in there now fighting for his life.

Two hours later Billie arrived and quickly walked over to Deaq.

"How's he doing?" She winced inwardly as she looked at Deaq. He looked terrible.

"I haven't heard anything for a while. He's in the OR. Billie………he didn't look good." The words caught in his throat.

"He's tough Deaq. He's been through bad times before."

Deaq nodded his head and shut his eyes.

"We got them Deaq." Billie said sitting down beside Deaq hoping some good news might cheer him up a little. "It's over."

"Good." Was all Deaq managed to get out.

"Blake and two of his men are dead. We had one officer hit but he should be fine, it was only a flesh wound."

At first Deaq was a little disappointed, he wanted to be the one to take Blake down. But then he realized what did it matter anyway, even with Blake dead it wasn't going to help his partner survive.

"That's good Billie." Deaq's voice was void of emotion.

**Four hours later**

The doctor finally came out and gave them a rundown of Van's injuries. He had a lot of external and internal bruising, a cracked hip, a broken rib from the gun shot and various cuts and abrasions. Their main concern was his head. He had taken a hard hit when he had jumped from the car and it appeared his brain had been bruised from the impact. They were going to keep him in a chemically induced coma until his brain had time to heal then they would gradually bring him out of it, hopefully with no brain damage but that couldn't be determined until he was fully conscious. When they asked how long, they were told approximately two weeks. Billie ordered Deaq to go home and get some rest. The next two weeks were going to be hell for both of them.

**Two weeks later**

The two weeks passed slowly and now it was time to wake Van up. Deaq had sat by his side the whole time, only going home to shower, shave and get a few hours rest. Billie sat with Van when Deaq couldn't. It was a slow process but by the end of the day Van started to come out of the coma. As soon as Van began to open his eyes Deaq walked out of the room and down the hall to the waiting room. Billie watched him leave, stunned that he would leave now when his partner was finally going to wake up. When Van's eyes were open Billie leaned over the bed and smiled down at him.

"Hey." She said softly.

At first he didn't say anything but stared at her trying to bring her face into focus. Billie was scared, what if Van did have some brain damage. After what seemed like an eternity Van gave her a small smile.

"Hey Billie." He winced in pain as he brought his hand slowly up to his head. "What……..what's going on?"

"You've been hurt, you're in the hospital."

Van's eyes scanned the room for his partner. He wasn't there. Billie could see the disappointment in his face.

"Is Deaq okay?"

"Yeah, he's fine. He's been here everyday."

"Guess he's still mad at me."

"He was worried sick about you."

"I doubt that. Did he see you …….about getting a new partner?"

Billie looked shocked.

"Of course not, why?"

"Well……… he will be."

"I'm going to go get Deaq, you two need to talk."

"No Billie……..I don't want to see him." Van knew Deaq was angry at him for his betrayal of Deaq's trust and right now he didn't want to deal with Deaq's anger. His eyes started to go shut and Billie didn't want to question him further. She walked out of the room and headed to the waiting room where Deaq was standing looking out of the window.

"He's awake." Billie said walking over and standing behind him.

"How does he seem?"

"Pretty good……….Tired, but that's to be expected."

"That's good."

"Deaq……….he asked me if you wanted a new partner."

Deaq turned around and Billie could see the anguish on his face that he tried unsuccessfully to hide.

"Maybe that would be best."

"**What?!** Look I don't know exactly what happened between you two but you need to talk it out."

"Look Billie. I almost got my partner killed by my actions. You saw what those bastards did to him. He didn't deserve that. But it's my fault and he'll never forget that."

"He was looking for you when he woke up. Deaq, I could see the hurt in his eyes when he didn't see you."

"It wasn't hurt Billie, it was probably hate."

"Look whatever happened between you two you need to get it out in the open. You need to talk out your feelings. Then if you still both want new partners, I'll assign them to you."

"Billie………."

"Deaq that's an order. I want you to see Van tomorrow. Let him get some rest today, but tomorrow I want you there when he wakes up."

**The next day**

Deaq figured he might as well get it over with. First thing in the morning he headed for the hospital and Van's room. He walked over to the bed. He figured he'd say he was sorry then leave. But Van was still asleep. Deaq could feel his chest tighten when he looked at the bruises on Van's face. They had faded a lot in the last two weeks but they were still noticeable. He looked so pale and weak. Deaq swallowed hard and started to leave.

"Hey." Van had woken up just as Deaq got to the door. He turned around and walked over to the bed.

"How are you doing?" Deaq asked.

"Not too bad. Still got a hell of a headache though." Van gave Deaq a small smile.

There was a moment of awkward silence.

"I'm sorry." They both said together. Deaq held up his hand.

"Let me say this first. I never meant to hurt you when I pushed you partner. I was just being a pigheaded……….."

"Hey, I never should have stayed at Janet's. I was drinking and I………."

"She told me. Look Van I know if Janet and I were a thing it never would have happened."

"Doesn't matter. You were dating her, I never should have………"

"Hey, she was fair game. I only went out with her a few times."

"Still, I betrayed your trust……….If you want to talk to Billie about this partner thing I'll understand."

"Hey, you're my partner Van. That is if you still want me after what I put you through."

"What you put me through?" Van looked up at Deaq confused.

"If I hadn't screwed up your leg you would have been right beside me. It's because of your leg that you didn't get out of the warehouse. It's because of me you had the crap beaten out of you. Because I was so damn pigheaded………"

"Hey, I slipped, that's why I didn't make it out." Van lied. Deaq gave a small smile knowing full well that Van was lying.

"Hey, partner, we still good?" Deaq raised his fist over the bed and Van reached up and tapped his with Deaq's.

"Yeah, partner we're still good."

The End


End file.
